Military Intelligence Exam

[The following exam for was given to me by a co-worker who once served in the USAF]

NOTE: Since Intelligence Officers and NCO’s are responsible for a multitude of subjects it is necessary that they be extremely well qualified and skilled in many tasks. Prior to certification as a super outstanding brilliant Intel type, each of you must pass the following test with a score of 110%.

1. HISTORY: Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively on its social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical respects and impact on Europe, Asia, America, and Africa. Be brief, concise and specific.

2. MEDICINE: You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture your work until it has been inspected. You have 15 minutes.

3. PUBLIC SPEAKING: There are 2,600 riot crazed Aborigines storming the test room. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek.

4. MUSIC: Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with a flute and drum. You will find a piano under your chair.

5. EDUCATION: Develop a fool proof and inexpensive system of education that will meet the needs of all segments of society. Convince both the faculty and rioting students outside to accept it. Limit yourself to the vocabulary found in the Dick and Jane reading series.

6. PSYCHOLOGY: Based on your knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisias, Rameses II, Gregory of Nyssa, and Hammerabi. Support your evaluations with quotations from each man’s works, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to translate.

7. SOCIOLOGY: Estimate the sociological problems that might accompany the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory.

8. BIOLOGY: Create life. Estimate the difference in subsequent human culture if this form of life had been developed 500 millions years ago, with special attention to the probable effect on the English parliamentary system. Prove your thesis.

9. ENGINEERING: The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed in a box on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual printed in Swahili. In 10 minutes a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision.

10. POLITICAL SCIENCE: There is a red phone on your desk. Start World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects, if any.

11. EPISTEMOLOGY: Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of your position.

12. GENERAL KNOWLEDGE: Describe in detail your general knowledge. Be objective and specific.

If you pass this test, you are entitled to give advice to all agencies, however, do not expect the advice to be followed, but remember you may be held responsible.